Indecision
I’m not sure if these
parents are trying to show themselves as kind, but they are actually
demonstrating weakness instead. Children
need a surefooted parent, a sense of stability.
Years ago I heard a quote from a single parent I remembered and tried to
emulate: “I hardly ever say no, but when
I do, I NEVER change my mind.”
How can parents do a better
job of being decisive? First, you must
start by knowing when to say yes and when to say no. What is the family standard? What is the goal of your child training? Is there a moral reason that would lead you
to one decision or the other. If so, be
firm. Don’t make a declaration unless
you mean to stand by it.
Second, determine that there
are other ways to demonstrate kindness.
Plan fun outings, show tenderness when a child is hurt or in need, be
kind to animals, watch your tone of voice.
But when it is a discipline matter, you must be FIRM.
If you are unsure of what
answer to give in a situation, stall.
Tell your child that you must think about it a moment before giving her
an answer. Then when you decide, stick to
your decision. Change your mind only if
you are given new information that changes your perspective.
James 1:5-8 (Amplified) says 5If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the
giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.6 Only it must
be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the
one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that
is blown hither and thither and
tossed by the wind.7 For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive
anything [he asks for] from the Lord,8 [For being as he is] a
man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he
thinks, feels, decides].
I believe that a vacillating
parent actually is teaching their child how to be successful in
manipulating. For a boy, learning how to
manipulate women can have devastating consequences in adult life. For a girl, learning how to manipulate men
has serious repercussions. For anyone,
manipulating authority and not expecting to ever be told a firm no can lead to
narcissism (deep self-centeredness). It
can cause problems in keeping a job.
Narcissistic people can be self-centered enough to hurt others with no
conscience.
By being firm and decisive,
you are not being mean. You are being
wise. You are presenting an example of
authority that is worth following. Decide
carefully, then stick to your decision.
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