CHARACTER BUILDING – INITIATIVE
One of the traits for this month from our Intentional Parenting list is
“initiative.” Great trait, but how do
you teach that?
First of all, initiative
means being the one to take the first step or action; starting something
without being told to do so; being the one to see what needs to be done, then
starting so others may follow. This is not the same as being a natural
helper. It goes farther than that.
You remember the old saying, “Some people make things
happen, some people watch things happen, and some people wonder what
happened.” People who take initiative are “self-starters,” a trait
valued in business and the work force.
They have self-discipline and are motivated internally. Again, some of these traits are built into
people naturally through their personality type, but there are ways to train it
in as well.
Is Initiative in the Bible?
One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is the story
of Jonathan and his armor-bearer in 1 Samuel 14. The land is at war, and Jonathan says, let’s
go confront the enemy. No one knows they
are doing it. Jonathan comes up with a
plan, and the armor-bearer says, let’s go – I am right behind you! (If you research the location, it was
crazy-difficult! Check out this picture!) They kill about 20 people in a half-acre
space, then God sends terror on the enemy and they all turn and flee. Jonathan’s initiative and God’s response
turns the tide in an ugly situation. Israel wins a miraculous, God-given victory,
but it starts with Jonathan’s initiative.
Of course, in the New Testament we see God’s initiative in
reaching out to love us before we knew him when he sent Jesus to die for us.
(Ro. 5:8) This, by the way, is the pattern for courtship and marriage: young men should initiate dating / courtship and girls can choose whether the young
man is the match and has the qualifications they want. Girls should not do the pursuing.
This past fall, we celebrated the 500th
anniversary of Martin Luther’s posting the 95 Theses on the door of Wittenberg
church. What initiative! His bravery and speaking out changed the
known world and the church forever.
Nagging or Initiative?
Consider how things get done in your home. How much of it requires you to tell others
what needs to be done? Are you telling
the kids everything to do? Do you remind
(or nag) them about their chores? About
hygiene tasks? Isn’t that wearing? Does that set them up for success as
adults? Go beyond developing habits, to
teaching kids to think and choose well in life.
Once trained, they need to take initiative with daily tasks.
For little ones, we had helping hand jobs, with pictures
posted on a hand drawing (wash face, brush teeth, make bed, pick up toys, pick
up clothes). I could just say, are your
helping hand jobs done? For older kids
we had chore charts which rotated each week.
(They had already learned “helping hand jobs.”) But rather than ask when they were done, we
set up rewards with a point system. For
example, if their chores were done before 9 AM when we were going to start
homeschooling, they got a point. And
there were consequences if your chores did not get done. For example, when the new week came and the
person who had inherited backyard pooper scooper chore found that the person
had not done it well the week before, the violator would find themselves doing
the chore for another week. (More practice needed apparently!) Of course I inspected things at the end of
each week. (Children don’t do what you expect,
but what you inspect.)
With homeschooling, I set their schoolwork up for the week on
a chart. Items they needed to do with me
were highlighted in yellow. They were to
ask for my help after I was done with reading class for the younger kids, my
first task. Things could be X-ed off the
chart as they were completed. If they
got done by 2 PM, they got points. If
they were done by noon Friday with the whole week’s work (and, of course, I
checked it!) they got extra points. If
they were done by the end of the day Thursday, all 5 days’ work counted as
such, but they got a day off to play or do what they wanted to. On the downside, if they dawdled, I was not
available to help them with schoolwork after 3 PM. I had other things I needed to do. That math or spelling test would have to wait
until the next day. They could drag out
their schoolwork until 5 or 6 PM if they wanted to, but they would be the one
who suffered. It didn’t take long to
learn to manage their workflow and have time for reading, jumping on the
trampoline, or playing Legos.
At the end of the week, they could use their points to buy
items from a treasure chest. It
contained goodies from the dollar store, candy, and certificates for picking
out a movie, going on an extra date with Dad (ice cream or McDonald’s) or have
a friend over. Warning: be sure to
figure out how many points your kids can earn in a week and decide how much you
can afford for those points to be worth.
When I first started this, I created points for so many things, we could
not have kept up with the cost of the rewards.
I had to scale back on what we gave points for and how many points it
took to get things from the treasure chest.
And our kids learned to save up their points and use them judiciously.
Another by-product you will have to explain to your children
is that results and rewards are not equal.
The person who take initiative earns more. Not everything has a material reward, but in
life those with initiative have a leg up.
You can provide equal opportunities, but not guarantee equal
results. THAT is a real-life lesson!
Initiative in Good Works
Be sure to notice when kids initiate good actions or
events. If one chooses to help an
elderly person, compliment the child in front of the rest of the family
later. If she helps clean up after an
event at church, thank her especially if
they just noticed the need and dove in without being asked.
You might want to have an extra chore/job or two in the back
of your mind in case a child asks you if there is anything they can help
with. If a child jumps in and helps with
something you are doing, be sure to say, “Thank you for noticing I needed some
help.”
Point out when someone else is taking initiative and explain
it to your kids. Talk about noticing
people’s needs and about thinking ahead about what needs to be done. Talk about how ministries and nonprofit
organizations get started through the heart and vision of a leader. You might even want to plan a “Family
Initiative” project. Get together as a
family to brainstorm about something you could do together to help someone or
to raise money for a worthy cause. Talk
to kids about needs you notice around you.
Initiative in Life Skills
One of the things I love about the Boy Scouts is their many
opportunities to learn while earning merit badges. Young scouts get to choose a topic to work
on. Sometimes the troop will offer
classes or opportunities to earn a badge.
Take a look at the life skills list in Chapter 17 of Intentional Parenting: A Guide for Christian
Families. Let your teens pick a skill
to work on. Discuss it with them and
help them develop a plan to learn that skill.
It might mean they need to contact a family friend to see if they can
shadow them at work. Or you might have
to schedule extra time to help them learn to use the city bus system. Letting them choose and move forward prepares
them for real life in the real world.
And it’s safer to be learning that while you are handy to help if
needed.
Initiative in Earning Money
Letting kids take initiative to earn money to buy something
they want is a great lesson. I remember
my sisters making and selling peanut brittle to go to youth camp. They became known for it and it became an
income stream for them until they were old enough to get regular jobs. Recently, a young man who was about 12
knocked on my front door. He had a lawn
mower and perceived that my lawn needed attention. He would charge me $40 to do the front and
the back. Was I interested? I was a little bowled-over, actually. Such a rare thing to see such brave action by
one so young. My husband was out-of-town,
so how could I say no?! I asked him what
he was earning money for and he explained that he wanted a particular video
game. Hooray for parents who gave him
opportunity to learn a life lesson, rather than just granting the wish.
Sometimes we think we are doing the right thing by telling
our kids what to do. Take it to the next
level by creating ways for them to learn initiative. Blessings to you as you teach your children
this valuable character trait!
